


3:10 to Vegas

by MissAtropine



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Comedy, Humor, Las Vegas, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-22
Updated: 2017-03-22
Packaged: 2018-10-09 08:25:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10407975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAtropine/pseuds/MissAtropine
Summary: Joker prepares a spontaneous road trip to Las Vegas, inviting his fellow rogues along for the ride. What could possibly go wrong for Gotham's supercriminals?





	

Ivy uncovered her sleeve to check her watch as she stared at the busy freeway through the crack in the alleyway, rain slowly dotting over the ground below.

"Late," Ivy murmured, shaking her head as she put down her over-sized suitcase. "Always late."

A few moments later, she heard scuffling of some feet from the darkness behind her and she flinched at the sound, preparing herself for any gliding men in batsuits coming her way. Yet a skinny figure dressed in an overcoat emerged, gripping onto a small, precise briefcase in one hand.

"Good Evening Miss Isley," Jonathan Crane greeted, tipping his hat towards her as he carefully dropped his case on the ground. "I trust that _I_ was not the only one to have been invited to this spontaneous _voyage_ to Las Vegas."

"No you weren't." she replied emptily, looking at the constant stream of headlights whizzing past on the road a few metres away.

"Pardon my assumptions Pamela," Jonathan said in a quiet tone, placing a hand on her shoulder which caused her to freeze. "But you do not seem happy to be away from Arkham, nor do you seem content with a cost-free vacation. Personally, I am thrilled that I am out of that godforsaken place free of charge."

"Well, some of us know that there's some kinda _catch_ Jonathan." she said through gritted teeth - Scarecrow couldn't tell if it was from her annoyance or the cold.

Echoed footsteps from the same direction Crane had taken made the two look behind them, a silhouette lugged a large sack or bag over their back and briskly sauntered towards them. As the artificial light fell on the figure, it became clear from the build and expression that it was Harvey.

He stopped in his tracks at the sight of the pair.

"What _you two_ doin' here?!" he near yelled, pushing himself between Pam and Jonathan, dumping his bag onto the ground next to their cases. "J said no nerds and certainly no damned chicks!"

" _You trusted Joker?!"_ Pam laughed out. "That's a joke in itself."

" _Scram_ lady," Two-Face growled, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. "Vegas is no place for a woman."

Pam sauntered towards him and pushed up her leg, kicking his shin which sent him flailing onto the floor in agony.

"Agh! You knew I only got shot there 'couple days ago! _Agh!"_

"Pardon me, but I believe we may need to be _quieter_ if we wish to stay unseen." Jonathan said, looking all around himself in a paranoid manner.

The three Rogues were interrupted by a large gasp and a torrent of high pitched yells: "Red! Red! Red!" Pamela turned towards the racket and saw an over excited, out of get-up Harley lunging towards her, arms open wide for a huge hug. Ivy froze as she was trapped in Harley's arms.

"Oh Red! It's been _forever_! I can't believe it's been so long since we saw each other – remember, that last heist on –"

" _Yes_ Harl. Try and be a little _louder_ will you?" Ivy whispered harshly, shaking her head. "How come you're not with the clown?"

Harley placed a pink piece of gum in her mouth, chewing noisily. "Oh, Mr J hadda go and pick up our ride. He said that I'd attract too much attention if I went with him – whatever _that_ means."

"Oh _yeah_ , like a bleached white, green haired psychopathic serial killer dressed in a _purple suit and spats_ wouldn't attract attention. Good goin' J!" Two-Face growled, bringing out his coin from his pocket and flipping it continuously.

Suddenly the four Rogues heard a commotion from the motorway, the stream of headlights bending around whatever their mode of transport was. As the honking and tire screeching got louder, the sound of a chugging engine and the sight of a high-rising, mini-tornado of smoke caused them all to cough and frown.

"Heavens!" Crane exclaimed, choking from the heavy grey fumes wafting in from the traffic (that's what he presumed anyway). "I do wish there was another way of powering cars. I'm surprised that we haven't fainted from the fumes!"

The others rolled their eyes at him, apart from Harley, who skipped forward, towards the gap in between the buildings, in an attempt to spot her Puddin'. She widened her eyes when she found the source of the smoke and clattering – an old 80s banger that looked like it had probably been in some kind of demolition derby and then possibly drive-by due to the bullet holes impaled within the car's infrastructure.

" _Uh-oh."_ She said quietly, watching in horror as she saw a white gloved hand reach out of the rolled down window ( a piece of glass which wasn't even there anyway) and down to reach the door handle. It snapped and the door opened, to which a car swerved out of the way, to which an aggressive and fading "You aass – !" followed.

Two fairly long, purple covered legs swivelled out, hunched from their previously trapped position in the front seat. Harley suppressed a giggle as the Joker tried to prise himself up out of the seat, only to fail and send himself flying back into his original position. She heard him curse and hit the dashboard with his fist– which caused something to fall from it and fall onto him, to which he began to yell unrepeatable expletives, even ones Harley was shocked to hear.

"It's _fine_." he said loudly, in the most stressed out way possible. "Think of – Batsy… Batsy getting his… _cape_ stuck in a jet engine…"

There was a pause and then insane laughter to which Harley couldn't hold back her own giggle, and he stopped immediately, catching her peeking around the building at him.

He managed to stick his head out of the window frame, coughing from the engine's rising smoke.

"How long have _you_ been there?!" he yelled, frowning at her.

"Uhm… _guys_ ," Harley said, pointing to the Joker and warily keeping her eyes on him. "Our – uh…"

She paused, looking at the vehicle he was sat in, trying to find a nicer word than _"pile of scrap metal"_ to describe their ride.

But before she could finish, the others had already picked up their bags and walked past her, almost dropping their bags to the floor again, in shock, as their eyes met with a grinning Joker through the scratched windshield.

" _Howdy_ Folks!" he greeted, giving them a wave out of the window. "Dump your bags in the back and we can hit the road! _Heh!_ "

"Oh god. No way in _hell_ am I getting in that piece of crap!" Pam spat, crossing her arms over. "Where the hell did you _get_ this from? A classic car convention's ass hole?"

"Now, now Pammie," Joker replied, wagging his finger at her from his place at the driver's seat. "Be kind and gentle to an old soul. Nothin' wrong with this baby."

He stuck his arm out of the window and gave the side of the car a firm tap and he cringed when a metal sound of something hitting the floor followed.

"I'm not being kind to _you_ , the car's condition however is something I can excuse." She retorted, slowly rolling her eyes and slumping off to the back of the car, followed by a speechless Crane who eyed the car with concern, muttering _"What a death trap…"_ beneath his breath.

Two-Face looked confusedly at Joker, "So what's the deal, J? You just gonna sit on your ass, or you gonna come help us load up this heap of metal?"

"Er…" Joker paused, glancing down at his claustrophobic legs – there was no way he was getting out in a hurry. "I can't Harv. Sorry."

He frowned at him and shook his head, "Whatever J. _Lazy ass clown…"_

Harvey helped the others with their bags, and luckily they all managed to squeeze them all into the small compartment, even with Joker's bulky black case taking up half of the room.

"What has the man _got_ in there?!" Jonathan whispered discreetly as he poked Joker's case, however it wasn't discreet enough because Joker immediately turned, tearing off the pine tree air freshener from the rear view mirror, and then threw it into his face, making the Scarecrow splutter.

Harley rushed over to the boot, after looking for something (or rather just standing and watching Mr J) and let out a squeak when the others pushed past her and made for the backseats in the car, slamming the doors and making the hinges rattle as they did so.

She blinked a few times, a sad look on her face as she saw that there was no space for her case in the back.

"What's with you guys bein' shy? Ain't anyone gonna sit with Uncle Joker at the front? _Heh!_ Buncha _wimps._ " Joker said, laughing even though the others were ignoring him and engaged in their own conversation.

He glanced in the rear view mirror again, seeing Harley's lip wobble as she looked down into the car.

He pushed his head out of the window again, feeling a few spots of rain falling down onto his hair. _"Pumpkin?!"_ he shouted, to which she leaned to the side to see him. "What's the matter? One of these bozos upset you?"

"There ain't any room for _my_ bag Puddin'," she said, lip wobbling.

" _Oh."_ He replied, grinning. "Hey, dollface, it's fine. Just take mine out. It's the silver case."

She frowned at his kindness but then smiled and nodded. "Thank ya Puddin'!"

She tossed the shiny silver case out onto the leaf-covered ground, not realizing it had the initials _"J.C"_ on the plaque at the front. She shoved her bag in its place, blowing a pink bubble from the gum she was chewing, letting it pop over her face as she slammed the tailgate down.

Joker cackled loudly before Harley hopped in, the others getting themselves comfortable in their hardly padded seats (the front two were actually leather and extremely comfortable, but Joker hadn't said anything).

Harley shot him and quick smile and pecked his cheek, to which he winked back. Something was off about him… she looked down at his legs and saw that his long legs were cramped within the small space to reach the pedals, his purple lap covered in hot drink stains… coffee maybe? No wonder he'd reacted like he had earlier…

"Everyone seat belted up?" Joker asked, as if he were a concerned father, oblivious to Harley's concerned stare. " _Ha!_ Who am I kiddin', like _this_ old thing has _belts_!"

"I find this car extremely dangerous Joker." Jonathan said, sitting awkwardly between Pam and Harvey as Joker stepped on the pedal to only stall the car instead. "What age is this vehicle?"

" _Damned thing!"_ Joker growled, smashing his fist on the horn. "How the hell am I s'posed to know Craney? I found it on old Falcone turf!"

"You found this car by _yourself_?"

" _Naa,_ you know what? I got a crapload of Lex's _drones_ to do it. Of course _I_ found it, you nerd!"

The car fell into an awkward silence as Joker kept turning the key in the ignition, the engine slowly bubbling and then dying out.

"Jeez, don't anythin' in this car work?" Harvey grumbled, trying to wind down his window and elbowing Scarecrow as he did so.

" _Oh!_ Yes! _Yes_ it does!" Joker exclaimed with giggle as he fished an old frayed cassette out of his pocket. "One of my all-time favourites this one! Shame about the set volume on the stereo but – do the honours Harl!"

He flicked the tape at Harley, jerking the key into the ignition one last time, managing to get the engine started.

The car burbled and the occupants all coughed, including Joker who immediately stepped on the gas, tires scraping against the dusty tarmac.

"Come _on_ Harl! Put the tape in!" he ordered, taking a hand off the wheel to point at the player.

She let out a choke and read the side of the tape.

"Black Sabbath… _Black Sabbath?_ " she read, frowning at the small black writing. "Mr J, why's it repeated?"

Joker rolled his eyes at her stupidity and then saw the others glare at him for his music choice, and he looked back at them.

" _What?! What's wrong with 'Sabbath?!"_

They all looked away, at the traffic outside or drivers of cars they passed.

Harley shrugged and pushed the tape in the old player, a slight crackle coming though the speakers.

After a few seconds of quiet church bells, blaring doom music emerged, making all of them jump out of their skin, and Joker's driving became more erratic and edgy.

Horns honked around them as Joker dodged between cars.

"Had to pick heavy metal when y'know it's a set volume didn't ya Clown?!" Harvey yelled over the music, gaining a manic laugh in reply.

What the group didn't know was that Joker only had one cassette.

And that Joker couldn't stand silence in a car, especially when he was driving.

The cassette tape was going to be on repeat for a very _long_ time.

And the journey to Vegas was certainly going to be an even _longer_ one.


End file.
